I'm Not Superman

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of stress at work. I've gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore. I want to, I want to do my job with gusto, but I just don't have the oompf it seems.

After last weeks fiasco, and all that built up to it, I feel like I should just lay my head down and sleep through the day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defeating myself, I just feel overworked - again. I feel like I am responsible for all that goes on in my job.

• If the data isn't right, I need to have it fixed ASAP.
• If an email or three doesn't go out, I need to look in the code, ASAP.
• If there is a bug, it's got to be fixed ASAP.
• If new data is needing to be setup, it needs setup ASAP.
• If my client is having trouble with anything, he needs help ASAP.
• If a support issue needs answered, it must be done ASAP.
  

Let's not forget to add in the fact that my client likes to continue to email me concerning issues I have absolutely zero control over, even thought I've told him time and time again. He likes to chat about his business but is clueless over the fact that I'm already gone.

It just feels like it's not working out. I've become disgruntled. I'm not happy dealing with his customers and having to offer tech support, as a majority of them honestly don't seem to know much of anything about computers at all. Realtors and their assistants who tend to be over 40 and 50 years old, new to doing things on a computer.

It's rather frustrating.

So instead of continuing on this road that I don't want to be on, that I don't want to arrive at it's destination, I've decided to take the next exit. I've decided to write a new chapter in my life.

Now, I don't pretend to know if this is the right decision, but I am tired of being confused and concerned about my future. I am a son of God and I know He will take care of me, but I can't simply be a pushover either.

God does want us to have backbones. He does want us to stand up. That's what He wanted from Adam & Eve, from the prophets and from the apostles. Someone that would stand up and not be ashamed. Someone that found who they were in God and not in this world. Someone that believed in themselves, because they believed in God, and knew that He believed in them.

I want to spread the gospel. I want to live the gospel. I want to be an example to others, and I feel like up until now I've been a failure. I've rarely stood up for what I believe in, life-wise. I could tell you how I've been whisked away with the times throughout my entire life, just letting life take me where it leads me. That's how I ended up where I am in my career, one of the major aspects of my life that I want to change. I'm not happy where I am in life. I'm looking down the road and seeing that my destination isn't my desire. That where I want to be is where I won't be if I don't get myself moving, if I don't take hold of this and instead of just hanging, start directing.

I'm tired of riding the bull. It was fun for a while, but I've gotten pretty banged up. Let's try the horse - I can control the speed and the direction.

Not only am I aiming for a career shift, but also a shift in my dealings with people. I want to live like Jesus wants me to live. I want to help others come to Christ

I believe I can do this. I feel like I need this. Everything before has let up to this day, this moment.

I've chosen my path, and I will hold fast.

I want to be purely His. Purely.