A Long Time Coming

I finally got a chance to get back to my home state, Maine.

My gram passed away last Tuesday at a ripe old age of 82, and was serving the Lord. So I got a chance to see my family that hasn't seen me in 7-10 years or more, and I am so thankful for that.

He will take you where He wants you to go, you just need to be willing to move.

A Month Already?

I left my old job on the 8th of June. That's 4 weeks today!

Wow, has it already been a month?

It's been so great not being at that old job anymore. Sure, I've done some side-work for them, but nothing even remotely close as to what I had to manage before I left. Life has slowed down some, I've done some great things around the house, like... being nicer!

Not having the influence of that man in my life anymore sure has made a difference. I know that the new job won't always make me happy, as there have been days and there will be days where I struggle, but that not-withstanding, I'm certainly a cheerier person as of late!

I read something that has been helping too. It was a description of what a seasoned sailer vs a novice sailer could do, or so I believe. That a novice sailor can be pushed around by the storms on the sea and hopefully get where he's going, but will be blown about a whole lot. The seasoned sailor, though, knows where he's going and doesn't worry about the storms, because even in the storms he knows how to keep his ship going in the right direction, even if it's against the wind.

The novice sailor gets distracted by the storm. The seasoned sailor focuses on the destination.

That's how I want to be. It won't happen overnight, but over time, I hope to change my attitude towards certain things and my personality during others. Slowly but surely, I desire to be experienced in this life for the Lord. But you don't understand how to steer during a storm until you experience them, and I hope that I can make it to the destination I've chosen.

Lord, help me to be a seasoned sailor that I will make it to where You are.

Today's The Day

It's been over 2 weeks since I last posted. For that, I apologize. But, I have good news!

Are you ready?

My God has lined up another job for me that easily makes this one worth all the toil and trouble! And guess what?

Today's my last day at this position. I will be working for another company, locally, that is paying me more and wanting what I've got to offer, all thanks to my trust in God.

To say I haven't had doubt over the past year or more of job searching would be a lie. I've had my share, and I've learned new stuff and turned to other stuff. But it's what He originally helped me to decide that has come to fruition, and for that, I am thankful.

Instead of a 6 month temp-to-hire, it's turned into a 6 week temp-to-hire. And I start Monday!

Praise be to God, not only in the good times, but also in the storms and the times of lowliness.

He doesn't necessarily deliver us when we want it, He delivers us when it's best for us, not by what we think, but by His wisdom :)

Short & Sweet

Well, I've been waiting for a long time for this. Tomorrow might finally be the day that I can put in my two week notice!

I've not been too great at work lately, because really, I am so done with this job. I got some revitalization today, but that can only last so long.

So, here's to God seeing us through our trials and tribulations. He doesn't take the storm away, He just helps you through it, if you depend on Him. And boy, have I needed His help.

So, whether I get an offer I like or not, here's to Jesus, the Alpha and the Omega!

Clarity vs. Doubt and Confusion

So I'm stressing about work again - you'd think I'd be done with that by now, wouldn't you?

It's another day, and another way to analyze how this whole thing is going. I've come to realize that my client doesn't seem to know how to write stuff down. Honestly. It's like it's foreign to him.

Throughout my days at work, I get interrupted with his ideas, as he tells me either about how something is broken, how it is possibly broken or a new feature he or a customer wants. While it doesn't seem so bad, remember, I try to stay busy throughout the day. So, for me to be working and be completely taken off-guard with his interruptions proves to be quite annoying. If he could write it up and then set it on the stack, it'd be fine.

Case in point
This morning, immediately after I got to work, I had an email from him about how there were 800 missing users. Talk about taking me off-guard. Turns out that an email from a couple weeks back that stated, "Please give all users the password 'abcd'" was actually to be interpreted "Please add all agents that don't currently have user accounts and assign them the password 'abcd'". If you work in IT, or even if you don't, you can see how this would be interpreted. So this morning, he's all on my case, telling me, "Josh, that's not what the customer wanted - you told him it was done." Done to the letter of the email? Yes. Done as he desired but didn't express? No.

Clarity in the email would have been great. Documentation or something that would describe what's desired - what the end result would be.

I'm glad God isn't like this. He's given us tons of documentation about how He wants it all to turn out - we should end up looking like Jesus to someone that doesn't know our name or face. It's well written, it's tried and true, and it's only doable through God.

We work with God on it, believing, asking, seeking, knocking, experiencing. Even on the smaller scale things, He makes sure His people know exactly what's required of them. He doesn't skimp on detail in the old testament or in the new - He simply tells us outright.

I like that.

I'm Not Superman

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of stress at work. I've gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore. I want to, I want to do my job with gusto, but I just don't have the oompf it seems.

After last weeks fiasco, and all that built up to it, I feel like I should just lay my head down and sleep through the day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defeating myself, I just feel overworked - again. I feel like I am responsible for all that goes on in my job.

• If the data isn't right, I need to have it fixed ASAP.
• If an email or three doesn't go out, I need to look in the code, ASAP.
• If there is a bug, it's got to be fixed ASAP.
• If new data is needing to be setup, it needs setup ASAP.
• If my client is having trouble with anything, he needs help ASAP.
• If a support issue needs answered, it must be done ASAP.
  

Let's not forget to add in the fact that my client likes to continue to email me concerning issues I have absolutely zero control over, even thought I've told him time and time again. He likes to chat about his business but is clueless over the fact that I'm already gone.

It just feels like it's not working out. I've become disgruntled. I'm not happy dealing with his customers and having to offer tech support, as a majority of them honestly don't seem to know much of anything about computers at all. Realtors and their assistants who tend to be over 40 and 50 years old, new to doing things on a computer.

It's rather frustrating.

So instead of continuing on this road that I don't want to be on, that I don't want to arrive at it's destination, I've decided to take the next exit. I've decided to write a new chapter in my life.

Now, I don't pretend to know if this is the right decision, but I am tired of being confused and concerned about my future. I am a son of God and I know He will take care of me, but I can't simply be a pushover either.

God does want us to have backbones. He does want us to stand up. That's what He wanted from Adam & Eve, from the prophets and from the apostles. Someone that would stand up and not be ashamed. Someone that found who they were in God and not in this world. Someone that believed in themselves, because they believed in God, and knew that He believed in them.

I want to spread the gospel. I want to live the gospel. I want to be an example to others, and I feel like up until now I've been a failure. I've rarely stood up for what I believe in, life-wise. I could tell you how I've been whisked away with the times throughout my entire life, just letting life take me where it leads me. That's how I ended up where I am in my career, one of the major aspects of my life that I want to change. I'm not happy where I am in life. I'm looking down the road and seeing that my destination isn't my desire. That where I want to be is where I won't be if I don't get myself moving, if I don't take hold of this and instead of just hanging, start directing.

I'm tired of riding the bull. It was fun for a while, but I've gotten pretty banged up. Let's try the horse - I can control the speed and the direction.

Not only am I aiming for a career shift, but also a shift in my dealings with people. I want to live like Jesus wants me to live. I want to help others come to Christ

I believe I can do this. I feel like I need this. Everything before has let up to this day, this moment.

I've chosen my path, and I will hold fast.

I want to be purely His. Purely.

I Didn't Realize I Needed That

That's how I am today.

Yesterday, after 2-3 solid days of grief with work, I started talking to a friend. I let him know how much I wanted to quit my job and do almost anything else, almost.

For the past 2.5 years, I've been working basically as a contractor for a client, and time and time again I've thought of moving on. What's always holding me back is the amount of knowledge I have to gain to make a career change.

I work with Php and MySQL everyday. Now these are two technologies that are very robust and I've come to know very well. The problem arises in job searching, because I can rarely if ever find a company looking for those primary items on a resume. Instead, what I do see multitudes of, is the competing technology, ASP .NET and MS SQL - basically a Linux vs. Microsoft option.

Here's the interesting part: Although I see tons and tons of jobs for the Microsoft technology, I continue to stick with what I know, the Linux technology. I've only ever dabbled in attempting to learn the other, more as a side thing than a career change thing.

Yesterday, I had an epiphany.

Here I am, bogged down with who I am and what I do, needing to get a change of pace and shift my career a bit, yet I am so stubborn as to think I'll get where I'm wanting to go on a road that I am refusing to move from. If I don't want to be on this road, then why aren't I getting off the exit? Why am I not learning the Microsoft technology to make a change and actually be able to get a different job, and shift my career in the process?

It makes me realize how this world works. That's exactly how living in this world gets. You want to get to Heaven, but you refuse to change the road your on.

Get off at the exit, already.

The road to Heaven is a different road than most of are used to. It's different than what television and magazines would have us think. Aren't you looking at the signs? Do you really think that in Heaven, we're all gonna be talking about some celebrity's baby or the newest Tarantino movie? We're not going to be playing XBox in Heaven.

Heaven is a place where we will be finally reconciled with God. Forever. Maybe to you, that's odd. Maybe it's even a bit scary. If so, then you probably don't know Him all that well, because it's going to be awesome.

It doesn't get any better than what we should be striving for, not necessarily what we are striving for.

I'm going to be spending time learning the Microsoft technology. Why? When I found out about Jesus and having a relationship with Him, I figured it would take me where I eventually want to be - a place that is peaceful, happy, and forever loving. Sure beat the heck out of the destination I had before that - I had nowhere I was headed for.

Head for something better - head for Jesus, head for God - and in doing so you may be happier than you thought you would be.