Discipline Is Good

Not everyone likes discipline.

When you're young, the words are some of the worst to hear.

When you start getting older, you realize that maybe it's not so bad.

When you get to the age where you want to change aspects of your life, you realize that it's required. That's where I am at.

I recently turned 29, and have realized that I need some discipline in areas that I am not very strong in. I want to live a good, full life, but not one against His will. So I recently took up a gym membership, and just this week has been great. My diet is slowly changing, but it's changing. And in the 4 days I've been signed up, I've gone 3 times (they closed early one day).

But I do realize that it takes more discipline than I want to give. It takes a headstrong approach at times to continue doing an exercise I may not like (or that requires endurance I don't think I have but actually can have if I would just stick with it).

For my health, I'm working out, and trying to eat better. I'm feeling better, but slowly. I'm not huge, but I could stand to lose 30lbs.

This all reminds me of when I started serving God. The discipline I had to have just to go to services, mid-week services and special services. The discipline I had to have (and still need) to open up my Bible and to get on my knees and pray.

God was with me in that. And I know that God doesn't want me to be unhealthy if I can help it. My life has been miserable at times, my fitness level fitting in there many a times. Not that the grass is greener, but that if I can feel healthier, then I am going to. I'm not trying to keep up with someone else, I'm wanting to get out of this initial-obesity feeling I have been having lately.

I do computer programming for my day job, and at night I'm generally a couch potato or (gasp) on the computer. Not anymore.

I will still watch T.V., and play computer games, but I won't be pigging out (often) while I am doing those activities anymore. I need a healthier lifestyle, and I know that it takes work. I didn't get out of shape in a day, and I won't get in shape in a day.

Look at the discipline that is required to live a life for God. Check the Bible, there's prophets and apostles and disciples that had to have the discipline to keep at it. We still need it today. I still need it today.

Clarity vs. Doubt and Confusion

So I'm stressing about work again - you'd think I'd be done with that by now, wouldn't you?

It's another day, and another way to analyze how this whole thing is going. I've come to realize that my client doesn't seem to know how to write stuff down. Honestly. It's like it's foreign to him.

Throughout my days at work, I get interrupted with his ideas, as he tells me either about how something is broken, how it is possibly broken or a new feature he or a customer wants. While it doesn't seem so bad, remember, I try to stay busy throughout the day. So, for me to be working and be completely taken off-guard with his interruptions proves to be quite annoying. If he could write it up and then set it on the stack, it'd be fine.

Case in point
This morning, immediately after I got to work, I had an email from him about how there were 800 missing users. Talk about taking me off-guard. Turns out that an email from a couple weeks back that stated, "Please give all users the password 'abcd'" was actually to be interpreted "Please add all agents that don't currently have user accounts and assign them the password 'abcd'". If you work in IT, or even if you don't, you can see how this would be interpreted. So this morning, he's all on my case, telling me, "Josh, that's not what the customer wanted - you told him it was done." Done to the letter of the email? Yes. Done as he desired but didn't express? No.

Clarity in the email would have been great. Documentation or something that would describe what's desired - what the end result would be.

I'm glad God isn't like this. He's given us tons of documentation about how He wants it all to turn out - we should end up looking like Jesus to someone that doesn't know our name or face. It's well written, it's tried and true, and it's only doable through God.

We work with God on it, believing, asking, seeking, knocking, experiencing. Even on the smaller scale things, He makes sure His people know exactly what's required of them. He doesn't skimp on detail in the old testament or in the new - He simply tells us outright.

I like that.

I'm Not Superman

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of stress at work. I've gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore. I want to, I want to do my job with gusto, but I just don't have the oompf it seems.

After last weeks fiasco, and all that built up to it, I feel like I should just lay my head down and sleep through the day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not defeating myself, I just feel overworked - again. I feel like I am responsible for all that goes on in my job.

• If the data isn't right, I need to have it fixed ASAP.
• If an email or three doesn't go out, I need to look in the code, ASAP.
• If there is a bug, it's got to be fixed ASAP.
• If new data is needing to be setup, it needs setup ASAP.
• If my client is having trouble with anything, he needs help ASAP.
• If a support issue needs answered, it must be done ASAP.
  

Let's not forget to add in the fact that my client likes to continue to email me concerning issues I have absolutely zero control over, even thought I've told him time and time again. He likes to chat about his business but is clueless over the fact that I'm already gone.

It just feels like it's not working out. I've become disgruntled. I'm not happy dealing with his customers and having to offer tech support, as a majority of them honestly don't seem to know much of anything about computers at all. Realtors and their assistants who tend to be over 40 and 50 years old, new to doing things on a computer.

It's rather frustrating.

So instead of continuing on this road that I don't want to be on, that I don't want to arrive at it's destination, I've decided to take the next exit. I've decided to write a new chapter in my life.

Now, I don't pretend to know if this is the right decision, but I am tired of being confused and concerned about my future. I am a son of God and I know He will take care of me, but I can't simply be a pushover either.

God does want us to have backbones. He does want us to stand up. That's what He wanted from Adam & Eve, from the prophets and from the apostles. Someone that would stand up and not be ashamed. Someone that found who they were in God and not in this world. Someone that believed in themselves, because they believed in God, and knew that He believed in them.

I want to spread the gospel. I want to live the gospel. I want to be an example to others, and I feel like up until now I've been a failure. I've rarely stood up for what I believe in, life-wise. I could tell you how I've been whisked away with the times throughout my entire life, just letting life take me where it leads me. That's how I ended up where I am in my career, one of the major aspects of my life that I want to change. I'm not happy where I am in life. I'm looking down the road and seeing that my destination isn't my desire. That where I want to be is where I won't be if I don't get myself moving, if I don't take hold of this and instead of just hanging, start directing.

I'm tired of riding the bull. It was fun for a while, but I've gotten pretty banged up. Let's try the horse - I can control the speed and the direction.

Not only am I aiming for a career shift, but also a shift in my dealings with people. I want to live like Jesus wants me to live. I want to help others come to Christ

I believe I can do this. I feel like I need this. Everything before has let up to this day, this moment.

I've chosen my path, and I will hold fast.

I want to be purely His. Purely.